5 years on...

My daughter "M" is four (4) now. She turned 4 in May this year. It has not been easy but I thank God.

Her tuition is paid on time and we actually get awards for that. She is also doing well in school. A very sweet yet active and inquisitive young lady.

My "sperm donor" is yet to acknowledge her existence ( his loss) . Heard he got married and now has a daughter (congratulations to him).

I love my daughter with all my heart and my sole aim is to give her the best life has to offer. I want her to turn out better than I am and to have all that I didn't.

I now have a job. A job am not passionate about but one I can handle. The challenges are enormous ( bureaucracy, etc.) . It puts food on the table but doesn't give me enough time for M. 

I did not complete my Postgraduate course due to the fact that, I had to take up another job around the time I was meant to be writing my first semester examinations.

I intend to go back to school someday but now, I have a clearer vision of what I would like to do. I would love go study Developmental or Clinical Psychology or Family therapy with a focus on special needs children. 

I am not in a relationship. I thought I had one up until recently when I discovered I was being strung along. I have not been Intimate with anyone since I had M. Had a close shave a few times but "I borrowed myself brain". No sex till I have a commitment in the form of a ring and vows before the Altar of God. Till I am sure  I can count on you to be a good Father to my M and that you accept us as a complete package . You cannot love anyone of us lesser than the other person.

I still have bouts of depression like today, but I get through them by reaching out to at least one person. Some days are good and some are bad. Last Sunday was one of the bad days; Dominic my childhood friend told me that he was getting married. I was happy for him but yet sad . I thought girls would get married before their male counterparts . I have people ask; when are you getting married? , Why not settle down?, Why not go to this person?, Why not reach out to her dad for assistance? etc. My response; I have not needed him in 5 years and we have struggled yes, but we are doing fine. I will keep struggling and taking jobs I don't like to give my daughter a chance to thrive and to be the best that she can be, God helping me.

I still crave companionship and intimacy ; am human... someday, I hope to have them and more... someday soon I pray. I want to have a job that, would afford me more time with M and I am working towards that.

It is not an easy road to walk, but it is the road my life and experiences have placed me on and so I have to keep walking till I get to the destination God has in store for me...

Till next time... I love you Me...